Just 2 More Minutes

Another Loss = 6 Miscarriages

2011-03-17T11:54:00.003-05:00

I have had a weird month. My last daughter was born January 2010. My period didn't come back until February 28th, lasted the normal 5-6 days, wasn't extra light or heavy. Some basic cramps, nothing out of the ordinary.

Then on March 10th, I had some cramping, felt like ovulation cramps. Didn't think much of it until it didn't stop. Friday, March 11th, I had some red blood and then some brown blood. On Saturday, I decided I better take a pregnancy test. The whole bleeding-cramping thing was just weird. It came back positive. It was more than a faint positive, but less than a good, dark positive.

I freaked.

I called my midwife who helped me calm down and told me I could only wait.

There was no more blood or cramping.

I went into my primary care physician on Monday, March 14th and they took blood. It came back with a HCG level of 71. I went back in on Wednesday and that level just came back at 35. So, it's another loss. I will go back tomorrow for more blood work to be sure.

I just can't figure out when I got pregnant. I had the endoscopy on February 21st and they tested for pregnancy, but I don't remember them ever telling me what the results were. I assumed they were negative because they didn't say anything. What if I was pregnant and they didn't tell me or forgot to look? What if I killed the baby by having that test done?

Anyway, before the endoscopy, we had unprotected sex a couple times. Valentine's Day and maybe once or twice after that. But, since the 21st, we only had protected sex because I was worried about the polyps they found, the biopsies they ran, and the gallbladder surgery I was going to have to have. So, I have no idea WHEN conception happened. And that bugs me.

This whole thing just sucks. I thought we were done having kids, but this happened and it makes me wonder if we should have more. But, then I think about my body and how hard the pregnancies are on it. I think about having to buy a new car or double up on the rooms. So, in many ways this is probably for the better...

...then why doesn't it feel that way? Why does it hurt so much? Even if this baby wasn't planned or we weren't going to have more, it happened. And that means there was a baby and that baby died. And that hurts. Nobody should have to go through this.

Still I wonder if it was a boy...

Asking For Prayers

2011-03-10T12:56:00.002-06:00

I'm posting this on both my author blog and my personal blog.

Many of you know my third book is about a girl with a heart condition. My family has had a lot of experience in this area. Not only have myself and my daughter gone through heart surgery, but many of my relatives have some sort of heart problem. So, this book hits close to home.

Today, however, a friend's one-year-old little girl, Natalie, is in the PICU. She has a congenital heart defect and is battling pneumonia and RSV. She's been there for about a week and there hasn't been any improvement. Please keep Natalie and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thank you.

Talia

One Small Gallstone

2011-02-28T22:57:00.005-06:00

I will never go to another afternoon appointment at this doctor's office again. Never. It was ridiculously busy!! I sat in the waiting room for a good 20-30 minutes and then I was brought back to a second waiting room where I spent another 20-25 minutes. Finally, I was escorted into an exam room. I only spent about 10 minutes in this room before my doctor walked in.

Then he turns on his little computer and starts by saying, "I saw you on the 3rd and we talked about an ultrasound, an endoscopy, and a pillcam... oh yes, I see we did some of those and here are the results..." I mean, really. Really? Why wouldn't he look first and then give me the results. He seems like an idiot who doesn't remember his patients when he does it this way.

Oh well... let's move on.

During the endoscopy, my doctor removed 9 stomach polyps. NINE! But, they're all gone! These polyps were biopsied. And thank God, no cancer was found! Also, no infections were found, no celiac disease was found, and no ulcers were found. Gastritis was found. And he didn't mention what to do about that - I, of course, forgot to ask. The polyps should NOT grow back and I don't need to have more endoscopies for these reasons.

Next!

The abdominal ultrasound. No mention of pelvic kidney, but he is a gastro guy, so I didn't think he would bring it up. He did say that my ultrasound showed a gallstone. Yup. Just one. One SMALL gallstone. According to my doctor, the small gallstones are worse than the big ones because they can get stuck. He suggested getting my gallbladder out. He insists that this is the reason behind the pain that keeps waking me up.

I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, I feel if this is the reason for my pain and nausea, then get it out! On the other hand, it's only ONE stone. Can it cause this? Then I think about the pain. It's not all day. It's not excruciating. It's just at night when I don't take a Zantac. So, is the doctor SURE? Could it be reflux? Could it be the gastritis? Or is it really the one small gallstone?

Then we come down to finding babysitters and finding the money. Oh, and don't forget the recovery period. Who is going to help me?

Not to mention that the doctor I was referred to does not take my insurance. Awesome.

My gastroenterologist still wants me to do the pillcam test... as soon as my insurance approves it. Seems like every test I have finds something small wrong, but is never an answer to the big picture.

My husband wants me to get a second opinion.

*Sigh* It's one of those days I wish I could see into the future and know what to do.

Endoscopy

2011-02-25T13:05:00.000-06:00

An endoscopy is much easier to get through than a colonoscopy. Around November, I found myself getting nauseous at night. Almost every night since then, I've been woken up with either nausea or a pain that felt like someone just punched me in the gut. This only happened at 1am - give or take.

No symptoms during the day. No nausea or reflux type pain. Nothing. So, when I had to go back to the gastroenterologist, I asked him about it. He - of course - said he couldn't tell what it was without tests, tests, and more tests. Great.

The first test I had to have done was an abdominal ultrasound. No problem, I can handle one of these. Only prep was not eating or drinking after midnight. They said something about no meat or dairy 12 hours before, but since my appointment was at 8, that wasn't an issue.

The second test was an endoscopy. Thankfully, there is no bowel prep to this. Again, the only prep was to not eat or drink after midnight. Phew. Easy. Especially when I had to be there at 7am.

I went to the same hospital where I had the colonoscopy. And once again, the nurse could NOT get my IV in on the first try. I've NEVER had a problem with this anywhere else. I'm not sure why I've had this issue at this hospital. The nurse got it in the second try (but my arm was bruised good for over a week).

I remember being wheeled in the room, they told me to pump and dump a couple times and out I went.

I remember hearing voices right before waking up, the nurses in the recovery room were loud. Not that I expected them to be whispering, but I kind of wished they would go away so I could sleep a little more. They took me right back to the room where my husband told me the doctor said he found gastritis and stomach polyps. He had taken biopsies and would see me in a week. Lovely.

This time I felt more groggy. I was cold and just wanted to cuddle up under a warm blanket and close my eyes. But, I knew I had to get going. After leaving the hospital, we went to eat some breakfast, and then came home.

About two hours later, I felt like I had been run over by a bus. Or a truck. Or a train. I was drained, weak, and had a headache. My throat was a little sore, but not painful at all. No fever, no bleeding, just BLAH. I couldn't lay down because I was being supermom. I thought that since I was fine after the colonoscopy, I'd be fine after the endoscopy. I don't know what was different, but I was exhausted. At six o'clock, I told my husband I had had enough and went to bed. I didn't sleep, but I was horizontal and that felt wonderful.

The next day was the same. It felt like the flu without any other symptoms. I did get a little fever - up to 99.7. I talked to a nurse from the hospital, but she wasn't concerned. It lasted a couple days and then I was back to normal.

My one year old got sick, so maybe I had a touch of what she had (although she ended up having Roseola, and I'm pretty sure I didn't have that). I don't know if it was just a weird reaction to the sedation...

The doctor's office called me a couple days later to tell me the ultrasound I had showed gallstones and to please make sure I come to my follow up appointment. Don't worry - I won't miss it!

Separating Blogs

2011-02-17T17:18:00.002-06:00

I decided to get a wee bit more professional and separate my personal posts from my writing posts. So, you can find keep updated on my books and writing by checking out my other blog: Talia Jager

Please follow it and spread the word!

The Continuing Stomach Saga

2011-02-12T10:41:00.002-06:00

My nausea has yet to let up. It's annoying. It's mainly a night thing. Around 1 or 2 in the morning, I get nauseous or I feel like I've been punched in the gut. It's not a nice feeling. I decided to try 2 things. Stop eating after 8pm and take a reflux medication. I chose Zantac because that's what the OB gave me when I was pregnant with #4.

Both things seem to help, but I hate it. I'm a night owl and not eating after 8pm sucks. I like to snack at 10. And taking any kind of medication is just not my thing. I don't like taking anything. But, it does help the nausea.

I went back to see the gastro doctor, who doesn't really seem to know what's going on and just like I thought, he wants to run more tests. He suggested 3: an ultrasound of my gallbladder, an endoscopy, and a pillcam! How fun! I can handle the ultrasound, the endoscopy shouldn't be TOO bad, but the pillcam requires drinking something yucky and swallowing a BIG - well - camera in a pill. I gag easily, not sure how this will be.

I'm just afraid that after going through all these tests and spending all kinds of money on co-pays, there still won't be any answers.

Love Writing. Hate Formatting.

2011-02-08T10:14:00.002-06:00

I hate formatting. HATE. IT. With a passion. Why - in this day and age - can't someone come up with a program that will take a basic Word document and change it into an eBook? I know, some of it has to do with the fact that Amazon uses Mobi and Barnes and Noble uses ePub. But, come on, people!

I have changed my Word document into everything possible and uploaded it and something is always messed up. I've gone back through my books and fixed anything that looked funny and most of the time it STILL looks funny. My main problem are the indents. They are all messed up!

Now, I've uploaded to B&N, and when looking at the sample, it looks fine. But, I can't see further into the book. So, you download the epub version of it and their Nook reader for computers, and then what happens, all the chapters are messed up on the top! UGH!

The other thing giving me trouble is formatting a table of contents. I had one that when you clicked on it went to the chapter, but the page numbers are wrong (they are okay on the Word document), but not okay on the eBooks because the pages are different. So, I took the page numbers out, but now I can't get them linked to the chapters.

I've tried some free programs, I've downloaded a free trial of Adobe's ridiculously expensive Indesign. Nothing helps.

Love writing. Hate formatting.

Barnes & Noble

2011-02-06T22:56:00.003-06:00

Natalie's Story has been for sale on Amazon since July 2010. Now, it's on sale at Barnesandnoble.com. Same price $2.99. You can get the free Nook app for your computer or phone, just like Amazon. Or if you have a Nook!!

If you could go to the Barnes and Noble page and click the FB like link, that would help me out!

I've been working on formatting Teagan's Story so I can get that out. It's ridiculous. Why hasn't anyone come up with some software that easily converts a document into different things? I finally got the indents looking somewhat normal... but the table of contents... UGH!!!!

Book Covers

2011-01-20T17:56:00.002-06:00

I'm naive in this area. For Natalie's Story I just uploaded a picture of the beach from when we went on vacation a few years ago. There is a beach scene in Natalie's Story so it's not a huge stretch, but still not the picture I'd like to use for the cover.

I've read about websites where you can buy a photo and use that for your book, but I have no idea how these things work. I need simple instructions in English, not lawyer talk, to follow.

Can anyone clue me in?

Times To Write

2011-01-20T14:33:00.002-06:00

Finding time to write can be difficult sometimes. I'm not a morning person, so writing in the morning is pretty much OUT. Late morning and afternoon can work sometimes, other times, there's too much happening with the kids. Forget after school and dinner time, too chaotic. That leaves night. I like writing at night. I can put the kids to bed, put on a show or music and let the words flow.

But, there are nights when I'm tired, nights when I'm physically exhausted, nights where I get the kids to bed too late and I don't have the UMPH to write. That sucks. I need to be able to get my creative juices flowing and get these books done.

I'm currently working on book #3 and I'm trying to get the timeline down. I have most of the story written, but it needs some fluff in the middle. I can't write anything more until I pin down the times. So, that's my plan today. Get off the blog and do the timeline! On a piece of paper so I can see it laid out.

Book Reviews

2011-01-17T21:55:00.003-06:00

I've gotten excellent reviews on Natalie's Story so far. But, there are only a few. I could really use anyone who has read the book to write a review on Amazon. Doesn't have to be a lot of words, just be honest.

13 - The New Adult?

2011-01-07T08:48:00.000-06:00

My oldest daughter turned 13 in November. She got permission to get a Facebook account as long as I had passwords and monitored it. This is how her email is set up. She has a hotmail account and I manage it. Not often, but I do check on her enough. I check her inbox, her trash, and her sent box. I am aware that she could be permanently deleting things without my knowledge, but I have to trust her a little.

She has to get permission to sign up for any websites or accounts and I have to have the passwords. I also check the history on the computers she uses.

Imagine my frustration when I got an email from hotmail informing me that I was no longer allowed to manage her email because she was now 13! Isn't 13 still a minor? Why does she get free reign of her email account at 13? I realize that I still have the password and can still check on her, but I don't understand these "rules". Even Facebook has some sort of privacy rule like this. I can't shut her profile down. I can't get into it if she changes the password and doesn't tell me. I can't force the people at Facebook to let me in. Does this make sense? Shouldn't we be watching our children more? Shouldn't we be supervising and monitoring? Isn't this how situations arise? This almost gives parents permission to say "we didn't know what our child was doing" after they ran away, got pregnant, or blew something up.

Well, in MY house, if I don't have passwords and access to all social networking sites, email accounts, websites, etc, then you don't have access to one of my computers. Period. Overprotective, maybe. But, I'd rather be safe and overprotective then have a missing or troubled child.

Book Sales

2011-01-06T11:33:00.000-06:00

I think a lot of people got Kindles for Christmas. In the week after Christmas, my book sales went from just a couple to 16. Then someone returned a book. LOL! Guess they didn't like it? Or maybe they thought it was paperback and when they realized it was an ebook, they returned it? Whatever it was, not a big deal. That leaves 15 sales for December, not bad. I realize that it's not 1500, that's okay. Maybe someday I'll get there. And when I checked today, another 2 books sold. So, it may be one here and one there, but each sale is a possible fan and that fan might spread the word!

My New Year's resolution this year is to write more. I'd like to finish the book I'm working on and I'd like to get Teagan's Story uploaded to Amazon.

ONE

2011-01-06T00:00:00.000-06:00

My baby turns one year old today. I ask myself how this happened. How did one year fly by so quickly? Why does time go fast? Why is the cute infant stage so short and the long grueling teenage stage so long?

Many times I asked myself when did I blink? I told myself a year ago NOT to blink! And I must have - because here I sit wondering where this past year has gone. I yell it's not fair, but that doesn't change anything.

Bells is such a beautiful little girl. Her hair is just long enough to cover her eyes or put in a "Pebbles" ponytail. Her eyes are full of wonder and innocence. She babbles and blows bubbles. She walks around and falls down a lot. She dances when I turn music on.

She still loves to nurse, she loves to cuddle with her Mama and have her milk - usually while pinching some of my skin. She loves her panda bear. When I put her down, even if she seems to be asleep, her little hand searches for that panda and she grabs hold of it and goes to sleep. She squirms when getting her diaper changed. And she still gags when she eats anything more than stage 2 food.

Oh how I love my baby girl. My heart bursts with joy every time I even think of her. My eyes fill with tears when I watch her sleep.

I ask for 2 more minutes tonight... 2 more minutes with my baby before she turns 1. 2 more minutes to cuddle. 2 more minutes of memories. I don't know why the years fly by so fast or the infant stage is so short... but I want to remember every minute of her life. So, please just give me 2 more minutes alone with her tonight.

Wants Her Daddy

2011-01-05T23:23:00.002-06:00

My husband has taken a new position within his company and he'll be traveling more. It didn't seem like a bad idea when he was offered the job, but after consoling our now 4 year old for the second night in a row, it seems like an awful idea.

She has cried both nights that her daddy has been away, begging to talk to him on the phone, asking for him to come home. The tears streaming down her soft, angel like face and the big lip sticking out just breaks my heart. I held her tonight and stroked her hair, telling her it would be okay. I couldn't even tell her that daddy would be home tomorrow just in case his plane is delayed.

I hate that he is going to be away more. I hope that he enjoys the job. I also hope that he'll be allowed to work from home when he's not traveling. I'll enjoy the raise that he got. But, right now, tonight, knowing my daughter is so upset, I'm not enjoying this at all.

A Trip to the Cardiologist

2010-12-12T21:57:00.004-06:00

Another day, another doctor. Not for me this time, but for my 3 year old, Nanoo. There are a lot of heart problems in my family and it was recommended that all of my girls be checked for heart problems when they are 2 or 3.

I put it off for a while, but after seeing the area between her top lip and nose turn blue a few times, I decided it was time to see the doctor. They did an echo, an EKG, an x-ray, and an exam and thankfully it was almost all normal. The only thing abnormal is her pulmonary valve, it's 1/10th of a mm enlarged. The doctor wasn't worried about it, but did say they'd keep an eye on it.

No evidence of ASDs or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy - so that was good news. She did say that she wants all of the girls to be seen every few years and that I should continue to be seen as well. She was impressed by my family history and mentioned something about having research done on our family. LOL!

Follow Up Results

2010-12-07T16:51:00.003-06:00

I went back to the gastroenterologist last week, 2 weeks after the blood work was drawn. This is what they told me to do. Imagine my surprise when I was told he didn't want to see me until the next week and they had tried to cancel the appointment. No, in fact, I had a call confirming the appointment. They then tried to tell me it hadn't been 2 weeks since the blood work, but I informed them it sure had been, that I had left their office last time and went straight to the hospital to have it done.

So, he agreed to see me. So nice of him seeing as I had an appointment. After a long wait, he came in and told me the blood work was normal! Yay!! No ulcerative colitis!!! That made me happy. He asked if I was better. No. He asked if I was still using the medicine (Rowasa). Yes. It surprised him, I think, that nothing had changed with the medicine. I told him it was the same, no better, no worse.

He told me to continue to use the medicine (I had 3 days left) and come back in a month. I think I laughed. 11 days of medicine hadn't helped, but the last 3 sure would. But, okay. He told me that it was probably an acute proctitis... yes, because acute means since forever, right? Does he think I'm completely stupid? I've had this my whole life? But, it's acute. Whatever.

I asked if it could be IBS, he said it could be, but IBS doesn't cause inflammation. So, it could be IBS AND something else. He said if it didn't get better, he'd run more tests. I asked what tests would be next and he said a test where you swallow a camera in a pill and it takes pictures of your insides and then you go home and it naturally :) comes out.

That doesn't sound cheap. Since I won't see him again until January, that means my insurance deductible resets and I don't think I can afford a test like that.

I really don't think he has a clue. I think I've stumped him. I'm thankful that it's not cancer or chron's or ulcerative colitis, but I am frustrated that they can't figure it out. And I'm not sure what to do next. Go back to him? Go get a second opinion? Or just live with it?

Colonoscopy Results

2010-11-21T22:30:00.002-06:00

I went to see my doctor on Thursday. First off, I have to say that all doctors should have a file outside the door to look over, so when they walk in the room, they know who you are and what they've done with you. This doctor walked in, shook my hand, told me it was nice to see me again and asked me if I was better.

Um... no. I had a colonoscopy, maybe you could tell me the results and then make it better?

He asked me what my symptoms were and I told him and then he asked if they had gotten better. Nope, you didn't give me medicine, why would I be better?

He finally checks out his computer and pulls up my file. Then he tells me "On November 12th, we tested your blood for anemia, it was fine. We also checked your kidneys and liver and they're fine." EXCELLENT. "We also did a colonoscopy on the 12th..." NO???? Really??? "Did you feel any of it?" Nope... good drugs.

He then told me that the biopsy results were fine, nothing abnormal there. YAY!!!!!!! He said there was no cancer there. Big relief there!!! He said there was inflammation called Proctitis near the end, the rectum area and that the most likely cause for that in a person my age is ulcerative colitis. Lovely. So, he prescribed a medicine called Rowasa and told me I needed to go for more blood work. Oh goody!!! Stupid, shiny vampires. And of course, I should come back in 2 weeks.

I asked a few questions and he told me that most of what I read online wouldn't apply because my UC is only in the rectum area and he's not worried about that. I also asked about the diverticulosis. He said I had that, but NOT diverticulitis. Not too sure on the difference, but I think it means the pockets are there, but they're not inflamed.

I'm then told that I need to go to the hospital to have the blood work done because it's a special, expensive test. They give me a big box to take with me. Great. I decide to do it then because the hospital is right there. I begged them to find me a bed so I wouldn't faint, they were nice enough to do that. This test is supposed to tell the doctor if I do have UC.

I also filled my prescription. I took it last night for the first time. It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. It's an enema :( YUCK! And NOT an enema that you put in and then poop right out. You are supposed to go to bed, put it in, and stay there for 30 minutes. THEN you can move, but you are supposed to retain the medication in there for 8 hours!!!! Thankfully, I was able to do that last night. I'm hoping tonight goes the same way.

So, that's where I am... waiting for my next appointment to find out what the blood results show and see if this medication helps any.

First Steps

2010-11-16T08:04:00.000-06:00

Enough with the yucky colonoscopy stuff for a couple days.

My baby is walking. Bells started taking more than just a step Thursday night. She took a whole bunch and hasn't stopped since. I just can't believe how fast the past 10 months have gone. I knew it would zoom by, but this is ridiculous! Blink and the year is gone. Blink again and they kids will be gone. I'm trying so hard to remember absolutely everything.

I didn't even try to rush Bells. I told her to take her time and what does she do? Walks at 10 months. It's so exciting and so sad at the same time.

Why is it that the first year passes SO quickly, but the teen years DRAG on?

More Colonoscopy Updates

2010-11-13T22:08:00.005-06:00

Saturday - 10pm (the day after my colonoscopy). My stomach has quieted down, but I'm still passing a little gas. I have not had a bowel movement yet. The two times I went into the bathroom to try, only blood and mucous came out - YUCK! It's bright red blood, so I'm not TOO worried. However, the papers and nurse told me bleeding for 24 hours was normal. Well, it's been 36+. I will probably wait until Monday and call if I still haven't had a BM or if I'm still bleeding.

Sunday - late morning. I finally had a BM, wasn't bad at all. Wasn't real hard, wasn't diarrhea. It was fine at first, but blood at the end. I'm thinking it's from a hemorrhoid. Stomach only talked a few times. No other problems or issues.

Monday - things have been fine. BMs are okay. Just a few drops of blood here and there, nothing out of the ordinary. Not like Saturday at all. Anxious for Thursday's appointment.

Post Colonoscopy

2010-11-13T11:13:00.006-06:00

I was feeling okay after the procedure, so we stopped at Denny's to eat. I had french toast. It tasted SO good! When we were done, we picked up the girls and went home. It wasn't until I was snuggled in bed for a bit that I read the paperwork they gave to my husband.

It reads:

Initial impressions from your exam are as follows:

-Diverticulosis sigmoid colon

-Diffuse moderate inflammation was found int he rectum secondary to proctitis ulcerative colitis. This was biopsied.

-The examined portion of the ileum was normal.

-The examination was otherwise normal.

HUH?

I'm confused. I googled proctitis and that is inflammation, but what is the ulcerative colitis and does wording it that way mean I have it or they're not sure? And what is a diverticulosis sigmoid colon? Does that mean I have it? And why didn't the doctor mention these two things to either my husband or me?

So, now I have to wait until next week to find out what it all means. Frustrating.

I did nap. Maybe an hour and a half or two hours, I would have slept longer, but the kids were sleeping in the room with me and they woke up. I was tired, but felt fine. No pain. No other side effects. For dinner, I had half a sandwich and some cheese. I kept it easy. I had a small dessert, my taste buds needed something sweet!

We watched TV for the rest of the night, just relaxing. My stomach never stopped grumbling and growling. It didn't hurt, no cramps, just noisy! In fact, it's still making noise and it's 11:30am the next day. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever stop.

I do want to let anyone going through this who is breastfeeding know... it was fine. I breastfed all day the day of the prep, that night, and right before I went in the morning. When I got home, I pumped and dumped once. Then I started nursing her again. She has been fine. There is no reason you can't breastfeed while going through this procedure!!!!!

The Colonoscopy

2010-11-13T11:13:00.001-06:00

After dropping the girls off at a wonderful neighbor's house who was willing to take all five of them at 6am, we made it to the hospital at 6:30. I was very impressed at how nice the staff was. The receptionist was nice, the admitting lady was kind, empathetic, and even funny. We got checked in and back in the prep area.

I had my own little room which shared a bathroom with one other room. There was a flat screen TV hanging on the wall. I loved that it was private and not all out in the open. The nurse was sweet, but I don't know if she was new or not too good with needles - because she stuck me THREE times. Now, those of you who know me, know I'm NOT good with needles. Push a baby out, no problem. Stick a needle in, big problem.

First she had to draw my blood... now WHY she could not do this when she was doing the IV, I don't know. Every other time I've had to have something done, they did it while putting in the IV. After drawing my blood, she switched to the other arm and started going on about the small veins in my hand and she was going to use that area on the other side of my elbow - don't have a clue if that is actually called something.

She gets it in and makes a mess. From what I could tell... blood everywhere. My sweet husband shielded my eyes. Once in and taped down, she made a face... I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, the IV wasn't working. She had to take it out. She called in someone else to put the IV in. This person put it in between my wrist and elbow. It HURT! But, it worked.

Then they brought me 2 nice, warm blankets and turned off those awful fluorescent lights. I was only in there a few more minutes before they came for me. I was wheeled into the procedure room, which was cold! The nurse checked my ID bracelets, put the blood pressure cuff on my arm, the oximeter on my finger, oxygen in my nose, and leads on my chest. They did a "time out" and made sure I was the right patient in for the right thing. Then the anesthesiologist verified I was breastfeeding, told me to pump and dump 1-2 times and then warned me that the sedation medication would burn as it went in and then go away... which is exactly what it did. Then I felt fuzzy and warm and......... I was out!

I remember I was dreaming... no idea what about though.

Then I woke up, slowly. The nurse said "good morning" and immediately started taking off all the things attached to me, including the nasty IV. She informed me that "all the doctor found was proctitis". I had NO clue what that meant and wasn't awake enough to ask. She wheeled me back to my private room where my husband was waiting for me.

The nurse told me once I was awake enough to get dressed and I could go. She brought me ice water and saltine crackers - yummy! Still it felt good to drink and eat a little something. I didn't want to move though. I was warm and tired. My husband told me that the doctor had told him my colon near my rectum was inflamed, that they had taken a biopsy of it and would have the results by my follow up on Thursday.

I finally got dressed and dh went to get the car, they sat me in a wheelchair and brought me down to the exit. Every time I have something done at the hospital and I get wheeled out alive, I praise God. I thank Him for returning me to my family.

To be continued...

The Dreaded Colonoscopy Prep Part 2

2010-11-12T21:34:00.002-06:00

I was late... again. I was supposed to start at 10pm and ended up starting at 10:15. I grabbed the mixture out of the fridge along with my can of orange soda, my glass of water, and my chicken soup. I plugged my nose really tight, took 2 deep breaths, then took a deep breath and sucked. Four gulps down! Whooo! Gag! EW!! And swish, spit, breathe.

Now, repeat.

The first 240ml went down "okay". Minimal gagging. The second wasn't "too bad" either. But, then it was like torture. I had to talk myself into it, patting myself on the back after each time. Plus I had started shivering so bad I was wrapped in my winter robe and my teeth were still chattering! So, needless to say the second half went slower, much slower. But, I managed to get the whole jug down in an hour and a half. The last four gulps made me gag like never before.

I did go potty a lot. My BMs never ran clear, they ran yellow. I read online that it was bile and normal. But, I had expected them to be clear. It was clear yellow though. Once I was done with the drink, had gone potty again, I got in a HOT shower. I stayed there for half an hour at least warming up.

I continued going to the bathroom until about 1am. My butt did get a little sore, but not as bad as I had expected. I didn't need the Tucks. I only used Desitin once. I had been prepared with the vaseline and the flushable wipes, I really think that helped.

Sleep didn't come easily though. I was hot, then cold, then hot again. I tossed and turned, couldn't get comfortable, and of course thought about the next morning. Bells woke up around 4am and I ended up nursing her for about an hour, I had to get up at 5 anyway. I think I maybe slept an hour or two.

I ended up on the potty a couple more times and my BMs were still yellow, but cloudy, which worried me. I started worrying that I wasn't cleaned out well enough, that the doctor would get in there and not be able to do the test. I finished that disgusting prep though, so I could only be hopeful.

In case you missed it... YES, I did breastfeed my 10 month old daughter through the prep. No problems, she didn't get diarrhea, it was fine.

The Dreaded Colonoscopy Prep

2010-11-11T18:11:00.003-06:00

It's bad - yes, it's THAT bad. Because there aren't many "young" people who go through this, I decided to blog about it in hopes of helping someone else my age who has to do this.

I'm 35, no spring chicken, but not 50 either. 50 is the recommended age to get your first colonoscopy. I had hoped that by the time I reached 50 and needed one, they (whoever they are) would have developed a better tasting or easier prep. Unfortunately, I couldn't wait until I was 50.

Why am I having one? For as long as I can remember I have either been constipated or have had mashed potato like BMs. Not diarrhea, just mush. I often spend hours in and out of the bathroom, with 5 kids, that's no fun and not always doable. Usually when I start going potty, I have to plan about 3 hours and by the end, my BMs are tinged with blood. Then later on in the day, I usually pass some mucous - which I know can't be normal.

Many doctors have told me I should have a colonoscopy. But, I have always pushed it off, even cancelled a couple, in fear of the prep!! But, recently, I've become more and more worried about my health and I knew it was time. My regular doctor recommended a nice gastro doctor and he did recommend the colonoscopy and gave me the prescription for MoviPrep.

The appointment was made 2 weeks later - many times in those 2 weeks, I almost called it off. But, I kept looking at the sweet faces of my girls and knew I had to do this.

So, along came Thursday afternoon. I was allowed to eat a breakfast, so had an english muffin. The rest of the day, I would be on a clear liquid diet. I was supposed to start my prep at 4pm, but I couldn't until about 4:20pm. It is supposed to be done in an hour, but it was 2 hours. So, I mixed these 2 packages into the container they give you, add water and then I put it in the fridge. (I did this in the morning, so the drink was cold.) I got plastic cups and straws. You have to drink 240ml every 15 minutes.

1st 240ml - Put in plastic cup, used small, drinking straw. First 3 gulps went okay. When I went to do it again.. UGH!!!!! It's a sweet - no... ultra sweet, nauseating taste. And it smells like cleaner. It tastes like what I would think cleaner might taste like. I chased it with water and orange soda. BLECH! I gagged. I almost threw up many, many times.

2nd 240ml - I put ice in the cup (the first one had started to get warm by the time I had drank it all). I used the straw again. UGH!!!! Still awful! Kept gagging.

3rd 240ml - Tried drinking it without a straw, but with ice. A few gulps here, a few gulps there. But, when I was halfway there, I knew I couldn't drink the rest like that. So, I went in search of a bigger straw. A wider one like the kids get at restaurants or come with big, refillable amusement park cups. This is how I finished this one.

Then I read some tips at a website.

4th 240ml - Plugged nose TIGHT (I had plugged nose before, but not TIGHT). So, I plugged tight, took a deep breath in and out, in and out, in and held it and sucked as much as I could through the wide straw. Before letting go, I drank orange soda through a straw, and then a gulp of water to swish around and spit out... finally followed by a big sip of warm chicken soup. This was the easiest way.

And this is where I am now... Part one done. Part two to start at 10pm. I started having BMs about an hour after I started drinking. They come every 10 minutes.

I'm being proactive. Instead of waiting for my bottom to start hurting, I put vaseline on before I go to the bathroom and I use flushable wipes instead of toilet paper, and then when I'm done, I put on some Desitin. I have my sitz bath and Tucks ready in case I need them.

The liquid diet hasn't been too hard... yet. I started to get hungry around 1pm. I don't like a lot of things, so Jell-o was out as well as many other drinks. I drank orange soda and water most of the day. I had orange popsicles and then I tried chicken broth... chicken broth does not taste good. So, I warmed up a can of chicken noodle soup and took the broth out of it and drank that.

Besides going to the bathroom, the only problems I've had have been a little headache, and some lightheadedness. Oh, and my stomach is making noises I've never heard it make before!!

This has been part 1. I shall be back with part 2, either later or tomorrow.

Nosebleeds

2010-10-28T14:48:00.004-05:00

My 9 year old has had some nosebleeds in the past few months that just don't want to stop. My husband is great with a nosebleed, so I tend to send the girls to him when they have one. He's told me that at least 3 of them took almost an hour to stop. He also said it seems like her blood isn't clotting.

I talked to the doctor about it and she said to bring her in for an exam and blood work. She didn't see anything in her nose - but she hasn't had a nosebleed in a couple weeks. She ordered the blood work, which of course led her to a fainting spell.

The results came in today, nothing wrong, blood work was normal. So, no clotting problems. Next step, if she still has lots of nosebleeds and/or long lasting nosebleeds to take her to an ENT.

Never a dull moment ;)

First Payment

2010-10-28T14:41:00.004-05:00

I got an email last night - I almost missed it - my mailbox thought it might be spam. It was from Amazon and basically said my first payment is coming in. Took a few seconds to register, but soon I was elated! This means I've sold enough books to get a payment, even if the payment is small! Who would have thought? Even though this is very different than an agent picking the book and selling it to publishers and stores, it's still a wonderful feeling!!

I've sold 21 books so far. I can't wait to hit 25... and maybe 50... and I really, really hope someday 100!!

Giant Apologies

2010-10-22T15:02:00.003-05:00

I know. I haven't been keeping up with my blog. I'm sorry. Sometimes I think about things to write and then I forget all about them. Sometimes I have something to say, but I'm worried I'll offend someone. Sometimes I'm just tired and lazy. Excuses, excuses.

Writing on the Brain

2010-09-23T22:21:00.004-05:00

I think of writing all the time. Ideas flow through my brain. Some I write down, some I don't. Some I kick myself later for forgetting. I wish I had some sort of program that took the ideas flowing through my brain, turn them into words, and type them out. Or maybe a voice program where I could just talk out ideas and the computer automatically types out everything I say.

So many of my ideas slip away and don't make it onto paper or computer. I need to work on that. Every idea is important. Even blogging - sometimes I think of something really awesome to blog about and then POOF! it's gone.

I think about the first story I ever wrote. It was about a couple of kids living on their own, I think it was shortly after reading The Boxcar Children. I was probably 10? I named one character Calliope, not sure what the other one was. As time went on, I wrote more and more edgy YA. Runaways, addicts, abuse, anything I could think of that would shock people. Why write this stuff? Why shock people? Because I thought there wasn't enough. I was a teenager with issues. If I wasn't going through some of this stuff, then I knew someone who was. And being a teen who liked to read, I wanted to read about it, but there wasn't much of anything about it.

No one dared.

Now it seems like lots of authors have dared. There are more and more stories out there considered edgy YA. Have I waited too long? I'm in my 30s now, can I still write YA? I think so. It might not be as crass as it once was, but some of it will still be edgy.

My first book, Natalie's Story, is about a 17 year old girl who falls in love with the wrong boy. He gets violent with her. She forgives and it happens again and again. Then to cope with things, she starts drinking and doesn't want to stop. It touches on abuse, pregnancy, and addiction.

My next book, Teagan's Story, is about a teenager with Epilepsy. I love Lurlene McDaniel. She's a wonderful author. She writes a lot about teens dealing with medical issues. I often read her books growing up and loved her stories. I wanted to branch out to other disorders or illnesses that aren't written about as often. Teagan, who has been home schooled because of her uncontrolled seizures, finds herself in public school when her parents unexpectedly die. This book is about how she deals with Epilepsy on a daily basis.

And coming up? Caelyn's Story. Another medical YA novel. She needs a heart transplant.

I have so many ideas... if I only knew people were interested.

Now is your chance! Leave a comment here. Join my Facebook fan page. Leave a review on Amazon. Help me get recognized! Be a part of it, I won't forget!

Lions, Tigers and BUGS?

2010-09-22T22:58:00.003-05:00

Two things to vent about tonight, both having to do with breastfeeding.

Ready?

First, I read that some people are boycotting Old Navy because they are selling a onesie that says "FORMULA POWERED". I'm certainly not shocked, and even though I don't shop there often, I doubt I'll boycott their store. What offends me is that they don't have a onesie that says "BREASTMILK POWERED". How hard is that? Make both sides happy. Although I'm not sure both sides would be happy, it is the right thing to do.

Someone commented that Cafe Press sells formula shirts, however Cafe Press also sells breastfeeding shirts. I think that's the problem here, Old Navy needs to sell a shirt promoting breastfeeding as well. Why aren't they?? C'mon Old Navy, get with it!

Second, I heard on the news that some formulas are being recalled due to bugs. Yes, you read that right, BUGS. Go ahead and Google it if you don't believe me. Certain Similac powered formulas have been recalled because they have been contaminated by insect parts or larvae. Really? REALLY? That is disgusting! No, that is beyond disgusting!

I am speechless. Well, obviously, only to a point. I don't get it, people. I don't. I understand if you're on dangerous medication. I understand if you don't have the ability to make milk - some illness or deformity. But, to all you lazy people... feed your babies the way God intended! Feed them the way your body intended. The milk that comes out of your breasts is meant for your babies!!!!!!!! Not the poisonous, bug infected, stinky formula that some company makes.

Writing Book #3

2010-08-24T13:07:00.003-05:00

I've been working on my 3rd book and I've decided that I need to do something different with the beginning. Except I'm not sure what. I've already rewritten it twice now, but it's still not right. So, I've been sitting in front of a blank piece of lined paper for a couple days. The lines call to me. They want me to fill them up. They need words on them. I've even put my pen down on them a few times. I get ideas, but I just don't like the ideas. I feel like I can do better.

My husband has found me deep in thought a few times. He keeps thinking that something is wrong, but I'm just brainstorming.

Hopefully, I'll come up with the perfect beginning to my story soon.

First Day of School 2010

2010-08-23T21:52:00.002-05:00

School started today. The summer flew by. I didn't get anything done and I didn't get to go anywhere. That depresses me. I know we're paying some things off, but everyone needs a vacation. I keep hoping next year will be better, but I doubt it. The bills are too high, plus we're going to need a new car soon.

My three girls looked beautiful going off to school this morning. Kiki is getting so big, I think she'll be taller than me within a month. She does pretty good with the make-up we allow her to wear. Boo even wore her glasses to school, I was surprised. JJ loves the tutu type outfits and of course wore one of those for her first day.

There was a lot of paperwork for me to fill out. Boo's teacher wants me to turn in this green sheet. Both her and JJ got it, but I didn't like it... LOL! It seemed too personal and it wasn't any of their business. I think it's a questionnaire to get services (like free lunch or free tutoring), but it asks questions about your home. The school knows where I live, why do I need to fill this out. I'm not applying for the services. The funny thing is if I did live in a tent or abandoned building, do they really think I'd tell them that? They'd call child protective and have the kids taken away. Seriously! I live in a nice house that is half a mile from the school. I guess if she continues to ask for the questionnaire, I'll put a big N/A on it and send it in.

Parents' Choice Baby Food

2010-08-22T22:28:00.004-05:00

I have to write this review because I think it's important. Last week was the first time I bought Parents' Choice baby food. I only bought one package which contained two small bowls of oatmeal and fruit. It was labeled a 2 for stage 2 type baby food.

Now, it's been a couple years since I have had to buy baby food and I was just trying a few new things out. I didn't realize there were pieces in this particular baby food. Bells is 7 months old and has done well on Stage 1 foods and had been doing well on Stage 2 foods (Gerber and Beech Nut). I never imagined that she would gag, choke, and throw up on this stuff!! The thickness of the baby food seemed fine, it was the little pieces in it that I think we're getting stuck in the back of her throat and making her have problems.

The first time I gave this to her, she threw it all up. It was very scary to watch her vomiting this junk and then heartbreaking when she started crying.

Stupidly, I forgot that I had put the second bowl in my diaper bag and when we went to lunch today, it was the only food I had brought. I tried very carefully to spoon out the pieces and only give her small spoonfuls, but I missed a piece and she did it again. I left the food there and threw the other one out (I had placed it in the refrigerator) when we got home.

Maybe I didn't read the package right, it's not around anymore so I can't look at it again. It's my fault for assuming that Wal-Mart brand stuff was in the same league as Gerber or Beech-Nut. My bad... won't happen again.

Hair Bows

2010-08-20T15:25:00.003-05:00

I have tried several different places and still do get my bows from a variety. Everyone does it a little bit different and I like that, but I also like being loyal to my favorite bow makers.

Most of the time, I get my bows from Sweet 'n Sassy Bowtique. The lady who owns it is a friend of mine and I do a lot of custom orders from her. She knows what I like and what my girls like. But, she's far away and some times it's nice to have a local hair bow maker for when I need to have something quick.

I recently bought a bow from Little Miss Me at a fund raiser. I love the colors and style of the bow. She was at the school this morning selling "spirit wear". This included bows, flowers, and bottle caps with our school name on it. My girls had to have them! So, I wanted to give her a shout out on my blog.

A Visit to the Dentist

2010-08-19T21:44:00.000-05:00

Thinking about going to the dentist makes me sweat, shiver, and freak out. I've thought about locking myself in the closet so I couldn't go to the dentist... then I remember that I'm an adult. And that just sucks. I'm supposed to set a good example. And hiding in the closet to get out of going to the dentist is not a good example.

It's not the dentist I hate. He seems like a good guy. He's even funny and has made me laugh a few times. It's certainly not the office. The chairs are soft and leather, the atmosphere is relaxing and inviting, there's a TV to watch and headphones to wear.

The smell has gotten better throughout the years, I can now walk in the dentist's office and not want to vomit. But, a trickle of the smell is still in the air and still makes my nose wrinkle up.

I always had healthy teeth growing up. Not one single cavity until after having children. Thanks kids!! I appreciate it!! I was told a few years ago that I had some cavities and needed to get fillings. But, I just couldn't do it. Maybe it was the times my mom made me go to the dentist and have teeth pulled or grafts done? The needles looked longer than a baseball bat! And boy did they hurt. I remember begging to go to school, even making up lies like having a test I had to take so she'd send me to school instead... it never worked.

So, I put it off and off and off and... well, you get the point. We switched to a new dentist this year (the one I've been describing) and he told me that I really needed to have this done. He said they could start getting really big and I'd need root canals. My husband went through a root canal a couple years ago and he was in serious pain, so I didn't want that.

It was time. The dentist told me he could give me some happy pills and have me sedated for the procedure. I reluctantly agreed and scheduled the appointment for when both my husband and my mother would be around. I needed one to take me and one to stay with the kids.

I had to take a pill the night before and a pill that morning. And OH BOY did that stuff knock me out. I had NO clue what I was doing. My poor husband... he says I insisted on taking a shower, but I didn't know what I was doing, so he had to help me with my hair. Then when I got out of the shower, he said I told him I needed to take a shower!! I somehow made it there, only to throw up in a garbage can outside the office. I don't remember much from the actual appointment. They would only do one side, so I would have to go back to have the other side done.

I slept for half the day. I was no good to anyone. Poor baby Bells.

So, imagine my JOY when a filling literally fell out of my mouth.

I called the dentist office the next morning, had to make an appointment at their other office further away that afternoon. My husband had to take a half day so he could watch the younger two girls. The older three were able to go to friend's houses.

And to replace the lovely filling... I had to get numbed up again. Are you kidding me???? I couldn't ask my husband to take more time off so I could be sedated. Time to get the big girl panties on. Knowing he was there in the waiting room and would be able to take care of me if anything happened, I said okay as long as they'd use the gas so I'd be a little relaxed.

This was the first time I had ever used nitrous oxide. At first, I felt relaxed and heavy. They numbed me up. The hygentist put some of that numbing ointment on my cheek and gums and the dentist jiggled my cheek a lot which masked the pain of the needle a little. I did feel it, but it wasn't TOO bad. I didn't faint or throw up!! Then they turned the gas off and the oxygen on and made me wait and wait and wait.

Finally, they came back, turned the gas back on, and did the "repair". First it felt good! I remember thinking "oooh I like gas, this isn't bad, you want to do what to me? Sure, go ahead. I'm happy." But, then it was a little too much. I started to feel like I was on an amusement park ride - one I couldn't get off. Thankfully, just as it was getting to be way too much, they turned it off and it was over. I was a little dizzy and had to sit in the chair for a few minutes before leaving.

I just hope this one doesn't fall out. And maybe I can get by using the gas for the next cavity I have filled. At least I won't lose the entire day.

Time to Vent

2010-08-05T22:40:00.006-05:00

What is with people these days? Where did all of our common courtesy go? How did we turn into such rude people? I just don't understand.

I have had a few things happen this week that just makes me go "what the crap?"

First, there were a couple people interested in the puppies. A few emails passed, a phone call and then nothing. No "sorry we're not interested" or "found another dog somewhere else" or "too much money". Just nothing. I even sent follow up emails.

The second thing was when I responded to a post on a neighborhood email group. A mom was in need of a babysitter for her infant daughter. Not having an infant in my child care for a while, I looked into the prices around town. They were fairly high! So, I priced mine cheaper. This mom and I emailed back and forth for two days. She asked for the price and I told her and I have not heard from her since. Absolutely nothing. Again. No "wow, that's more than I expected, let me think about it" or "I am going to keep looking" or "no, thanks". NOTHING. The nail in the coffin? Her friend who first posted the email that she was looking for a babysitter posted it on another group tonight, begging for someone to help her out. She doesn't realize I'm on both groups. So, now I know for sure she doesn't want me and wasn't just unable to respond. She says she's a sweet lady... well, obviously NOT a polite one.

I don't get it. Why isn't anybody polite anymore?

Think about this, readers, the next time you don't want to respond to someone. Ask yourselves is this the way you would want to be treated? The next time someone gives you a price to high, tell them that. Or if you find a different puppy and aren't interested anymore, tell them. It's the polite thing to do. It's the right thing to do.

Puppies!

2010-07-29T12:00:00.002-05:00

We have puppies for sale. They are toy sized miniature schnauzers. See my puppy blog for more details:

http://jagerschnauzer.blogspot.com/

It's Live

2010-07-27T23:52:00.003-05:00

I uploaded my book to Amazon and it didn't look right on their preview. So, I worked on the formatting again and again and again. I finally found a way to make the indents work right. Then there were 2 hypens I couldn't get deleted. Finally found that problem. So, I uploaded the book again - with a new cover picture I had taken at the beach a few years ago - and now it looks pretty good. The only problem I'm having now is the chapter headings are off centered. I guess I'll have to deal with that.

Anyway, I digress... MY BOOK IS LIVE!!!!!!!!!!! On Amazon!!!! It's unreal! I'm hoping that once the description gets put on there, that people will get interested and they'll buy it.

Natalie's Story

What are you waiting for??? GO! BUY! READ! :)

Moms Always Know

2010-07-26T17:00:00.003-05:00

A conversation with my 3 year old today.

She was showing me a picture she had made and started doing the very obvious potty dance.

Me: Nanoo, do you have to go potty?

Nanoo: No.

Me: Are you sure? You're dancing.

Nanoo: I'm dancing like a princess.

She then starts dancing harder, faster, and all over the room.

(She ended up going potty just a few minutes later)

Too cute.

I Did It!

2010-07-23T23:36:00.002-05:00

I uploaded my first book to Amazon. I had some trouble with the formatting, so I hope that once the good people over there look at it, they'll fix it. I'd hate to have my book up there with the margins all funny looking.

It's supposed to be up within 48 hours. Not sure if that'll happen on a weekend.

I'm so anxious! It's hard to be excited when there's no guarantees. But, there aren't any guarantees in life. Gotta take a chance sometimes. I hope there are people out there somewhere that will read it and like it!

So, book #2 is being looked at by some friends of mine. And I'm working on book #3.

6 Months Old

2010-07-06T23:12:00.002-05:00

My baby turned 6 months old. I can't believe so much time has passed since I gave birth to her. She brightens my day every time I look at her. She's such a beautiful, special little girl. I am truly blessed.

Leave Co-sleeping Alone!

2010-06-27T23:47:00.005-05:00

I opened this free edition of the local paper tonight - it was thrown at our house sometime over the weekend. It usually includes two sections that I don't bother reading and some coupons.

This time, a picture caught my eye. It was of a lady sleeping with a baby which made me smile... until I saw the big words surrounding this picture: "Safe? Think again." Then in a smaller text: "In 2009, 53 babies in the greater ***** area died while sleeping with a family member." Back in big text: "Share your room, not your bed."

This made my smile fade and my blood boil. There were no other statistics listed! They didn't bother to share the rest of the facts.

-Who were these babies sleeping next to? Mom? Dad? A sibling?

-And that person co-sleeping with the baby... were they on any medication? Even "just" Tylenol or Benadryl? Had they been drinking? Smoking?

-Were they over tired?

-Where were they co-sleeping? What kind of bed? or were they on the couch?

-Were the babies breastfed or formula fed?

-Did they recently have vaccinations?

The ad makes it seem like parents who co-sleep are bad parents. But, it fails to give the facts. My biggest question... how many babies die every year from SIDS? Whether it's in a crib or the family bed? From my research, approximately 2,500 babies die every year. TWO THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED. And my questions stay the same no matter where they died... I am all for co-sleeping. My baby sleeps with me every night. I do NOT take medication, I do NOT drink or smoke EVER, I have a barrier between me and my husband so he can't roll on her, and I do NOT allow other children in our bed while Bells is sleeping with us. I DO breastfeed and she hasn't had any vaccinations.

I pray every day that she'll be safe no matter what. And every morning, I thank God we're all still alive. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost a child, no matter the cause. I will always be an advocate for co-sleeping. It has worked for us with all five of our children.

I don't know what causes SIDS. Nobody has figured that out yet. I hope someone does, very soon. I also hope - as weird as a hope this is - that it turns out to be something genetic or some sort of birth defect. Then so many parents who have lost their babies to SIDS can stop blaiming themselves.

It's Going To Happen

2010-06-22T23:33:00.003-05:00

I am editing my book one more time. Then I plan to send it to the copyright office and upload it to Amazon. I'm sure there will still be mistakes, but I hope people aren't overly harsh.

So, dear readers - all 4 of you - please feel free to buy my book when it is uploaded, read it on your computer or phone or Kindle, and then if you like it, leave a glowing review so maybe, just maybe, someone else will buy it.

Medication Woes

2010-06-13T23:30:00.004-05:00

Bells has her first fever. When I picked her up from her nap yesterday, she felt like she was on fire. Poor thing had a temperature of 101.7. As I cuddled her, I remembered that I had just finally gotten around to filling out the form online to get a refund from the Tylenol/Motrin/Zyrtec recall and had thrown everything away. JUST! Like as in hours before. I was so annoyed!!!!

So, being lazy, and not wanting to venture out with five kids, one being a sick infant, I called a friend who I hoped would be out. She was! She was able to bring me some infant drops. On the box, it gave the dosage for six months and up. Bells is 5 months. I cut the dosage in half, hoping to get her some relief. She didn't like the taste of that stuff at all, but it did bring her fever down for the night.

This morning, she was moaning in her sleep. Such a sad, sweet sound. With every little breath, a teeny tiny moan came out. Her temperature was back up to 101.9. I gave her more of the medicine, this time remembering that you're not supposed to give Ibuprofen to a child until 6 months. Don't know why I forgot that until then. I was heading to the store anyway, I put Tylenol on my list.

When I got to the children's pain medication aisle in the store, I found myself at my wit's end. Because of the recall, there was NO Tylenol whatsoever. Wonderful. I found the store brand (there was only a few of them) and bought that... it said right on it... INFANT DROPS!!!

When I got home, I went to give it to Bells and what does it say on the back... Dosage information for 2 and up! I flip it around a few times and sure enough on the front it says 2-3 years old. Now, who calls their 2-3 year old an INFANT???!!!! A toddler maybe, a child for sure, but NOT an infant!! The box said to call the doctor for a child under the age of two.

What did I do? Cut the dosage in 1/4 and gave her that. I don't understand. I know a few years ago they took all the cold medications off the market for young children, are they doing the same thing with fever and pain meds? This is ridiculous! I don't usually give them fever reducing medicine unless their temperatures hit over 101 or they are uncomfortable. So, it's not like I'm overusing it. I just want to have SOMETHING to use when I need to!!

Somebody needs to tell these people that a 2-3 year old is NOT an infant and they should relabel their products.

Or maybe I should just read the box better.

Birthday Wishes

2010-06-11T23:42:00.001-05:00

JJ's 7th birthday is coming up soon. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she told me, "I want my legs to stop hurting."

Broke. My. Heart.

Test Results

2010-06-10T14:54:00.006-05:00

The doctor called this morning about JJ's test results. My stomach did a flip flop when I saw her number on the caller ID. When I talked to her, my heart dropped... there was something wrong. The seconds passed like hours as I listened to her, wanting to speed her up and tell me what was abnormal. Finally, she said it. JJ's ANAs were positive. First, I breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't mention her CBC, if that was normal, then it wasn't Leukemia. I asked if all the other tests were okay and again she said the only one abnormal was her ANAs which was 1:640.

The doctor said she wanted JJ to see a pediatric rheumatologist. She asked me to give her some time to find one for her to see at the children's hospital. I said okay.

Now, we wait. And of course, with waiting, we worry. My hands can't stay away from the Internet, so I've been researching things all day. Names like juvenile arthritis, lupus, and fibromyalgia have been jumping out at me.

My husband urges me to stay calm. I'm trying, but it's impossible to not think about it. I do have some good things to keep my mind on. JJ doesn't have any other symptoms besides pain and this blood test. And I have tested positive on my ANAs and mine were even more positive then hers (1:1280). I went to see a rheumatologist and they did tests, tests, and more tests and never found anything past the positive ANAs (and the MTHFR). I have no symptoms or pain. I wasn't diagnosed with anything. My mother does have rheumatoid arthritis, so it is in the family.

I had JJ on my lap today and I told her that the doctor had called and her test results showed there was something wrong and she would have to see another doctor for more tests. She looked up at me with those big, brown, puppy dog eyes and said, "I told you my legs hurt, Mom." I felt horrible for not taking her sooner, for not believing her earlier. Here all this time I was thinking she was trying to get out of doing something or trying to get some attention, and she's really been in pain.

I beg any of you who have a child who says they are in pain, believe them, and get it checked out. If it turns out to be nothing, then you are only out money. Knowing that you put it off and there was something wrong is so much worse than having a little less cash. Get your child to the doctor even if it's for nothing but easing your mind.

Please keep JJ in your thoughts and prayers as she goes through more testing. Keep us in them too, we need patience and strength to figure out what it is.

Summertime Writing

2010-06-10T00:04:00.005-05:00

It's officially summertime here. The hot, muggy days have been here for over a month, however now the kids are out of school. I love summer for one simple reason - I get to stay up late and sleep in late. It's after midnight now and I'm not tired. I could easily be up until 2am and then sleep until 10 tomorrow - if the kids let me. Of course, it's all about the kids. Some days they don't let me sleep in and some days they do.

Summer is usually the time my fingers get itchy and I need to write. The writing bug has bitten me. I hope I can write something awesome this summer. I have a few things started. Now, I just need to pick one and get on with it.

Proud

2010-06-01T19:51:00.001-05:00

Today, I am very proud of Kiki. She chose to play the viola in orchestra when she entered 6th grade. She started off a beginner, and went on to intermediate for 7th grade. A few weeks ago, she tried out for chamber, the highest level of orchestra in middle school... and today she found out she got in!!

It was awesome to see the excitement on her face. She was so happy, so proud of herself! And we, too, are so proud of her! I told her I'd have to share it with the world, so here I am, sharing it with the world :)

Stickers & Privacy

2010-05-30T15:34:00.006-05:00

Moving to this school district has been wonderful for many reasons. I have been very happy with the way my children are learning here. There is, however, one thing I have a problem with...

Stickers. Sounds ridiculous right?

The schools let parents put money into their children's lunch accounts. The children are given a number and when they buy lunch, they can check out using that number. It pulls money out of the account. When it gets down to a certain number, the emails start coming: Replenish your child's lunch account. And then when it gets down a little further, the stickers come home... ON MY CHILD!

The lunch people put a big red sticker on my child's shirt that basically screams out "HEY! You need to send in more money!! You're broke!" How is that protecting our privacy? And how rude is that? Let's stick big, red stickers on the kids who need to send in more money! Let the whole school know.

There are other stickers too, thankfully, my children don't need to wear them much. These consist of different transportation issues... being picked up early, transportation change like going on a different bus. Again, there's a privacy issue here. Not only that, but a safety issue. I assume that everyone who works in the school has been cleared to be there, but you never know. I certainly do not want everyone in the school knowing that my child is walking home that day or taking a different bus.

Those are the ones I have issues with. There is another one that says "Don't forget money for the school store tomorrow".

Not only are these stickers a violation of our privacy, but if put on certain decorations (on t-shirts), they will damage them.

I don't see how they can get away with this...

I had to edit this to add a thought. Could you imagine going to the grocery store and using your debit card, only to have the cashier place a sticker on your shirt because your account was getting low?

It's Always Something

2010-05-27T15:41:00.004-05:00

I find it ironic that I'm blogging about something that's probably nothing after my last post. But, it's something that's on my mind and the best medicine for it is to express my feelings.

JJ has been complaining of not feeling good lately. She goes to the nurse at school, she complains here at home, and when my she goes out on bike rides with dad, she cries the whole time that her legs hurt.

At first, I thought that this was just an excuse to get out of going. But, it's BIKE RIDING, not a punishment. Could she be just wanting attention? Middle child syndrome? Or is it something that should be looked into? How am I supposed to tell? It's frustrating. I go back and forth in my head trying to figure out if it's attention she wants or if it's something more serious... and from there my mind wanders. Could it be Juvenile Arthritis? Could it be Leukemia?

Bells had her 4 month check-up today (everything was fine). I brought up what was going on with JJ and asked the doctor her opinion. She said it could be a ploy for attention, but the only way to know for sure is to do some blood work. I absolutely hate putting her through that. Maybe when I mention it to her, she will miraculously get better!

Wait and See

2010-05-21T07:07:00.002-05:00

Being someone who does a good amount of worrying, I hear "wait and see" enough. I worry. I try not to. I try to think positively, but as a parent in today's scary world, I worry more than I'd like.

When I was diagnosed with ADHD, they also diagnosed me with mild OCD. It is very mild, but it is there. I have to check the doors, make sure they're locked, but I don't have a set amount of times I need to do this. I check the alarm to make sure it's on. I check the gate to make sure it's closed. I also need to have the tags in the back or at the bottom of whatever it is that it's on. Pillowcases go certain ways. And I hate it when a light switch is considered OFF in the UP position. UGH!

I've been noticing lately that Boo, my 9 year old, seems to worry a lot. I'm not sure how much is a normal amount of worrying. I asked my husband and he didn't seem concerned, but I asked him to listen to what she's saying and let me know if he thinks she's getting worse at some point. I don't remember my older child going through this stage. Maybe she skipped it? Maybe it was short? Maybe Boo just worries more.

Boo doesn't like parking garages. If we go in one, she wants to go to the top, so the garage doesn't collapse on top of us. She is always asking if I remembered to let the dogs inside. When I ask her why, she tells me she's afraid they're going to get hurt. When I ask who is going to hurt them in our fenced in backyard, she says someone might jump the fence. She asks if I remembered to lock the doors or turn on the alarm at night or when we're leaving the house.

When there is a thunderstorm, she has to stay close by us. She asks if lightning will come through the windows or if it'll turn into a twister. Her bed is in the middle of her room and she sleeps as far away from the window in her bed that she can. She moves her pillow all the way to the side nearest the wall and sleeps on that side of her single bed. She has even moved her favorite animals or dolls to that side of the room so nothing crashes in through the window and "gets them".

It's not all the time, but I have been noticing it more and more. I just don't know how worried I should be about her worrying :) I certainly don't want to put her on any medications, but I don't want her to get worse either. As of right now, it's not interfering with her school work or life, so I think we're okay and I hope it's just a stage. We'll wait and see...

Peaceful Moments

2010-05-13T21:42:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting on my bed - Indian style - with Bells on my lap, she's sleeping. I sit back against my pillows and just watch her. Her face twitches a little, she smiles and then her mouth forms this perfect little o. Tears spring to my eyes as I etch this moment into my heart. I do not want to forget this.

As I watch, her body jumps and she opens her eyes. For a split second, she looks like she might cry. But, then she catches my eye and her body relaxes. Then ever so slowly, so gracefully, her eyes close... and open - to check, to make sure that I'm right there - and then close again.

They Call Him an Expert

2010-05-07T11:30:00.003-05:00

We all have our favorite experts, especially when it comes to parenting. A few of my friends like this Dr. John Rosemond guy. I hadn't heard of him, so I googled him. The first few things I saw sounded promising. I read that he had many thoughts when it came to potty training and since that is what I need most right now, I wanted to read more. What I read shocked me!

The first thing I read was about his "Naked and $75" approach. I am all for having my little ones run around naked and pay for the carpet cleaning later, but to go to the extremes he recommends if that little one doesn't potty train is absurd.

He says, "If one of your kids refuses to use the toilet despite being old enough to do so, get rid of all diapers and training pants and have your child wear only thin cotton underpants and a t-shirt. Then have your child drink water often and instruct them to go to the bathroom whenever necessary. If your child has any accidents, send him or her to his room for the rest of the day and allow him or her to come out only to use the bathroom." The part in bold is the part I have a problem with. Sending a 3 year old to their room for that long is ridiculous!

I continued my research into this guy and found my next problem with him... To a mom of a four year old who refused to do a BM in the toilet, he gave the following advice:

"Every day, right after your son eats a high fiber breakfast, gate him in the bathroom, naked from the waist down and tell him his doctor said he has to stay there until he poops in the potty."

Seriously? Gate them in the bathroom until they poop?! Are they dogs? I had to stop reading there. I was disturbed and didn't want to think of actual parents out there doing this to their children. He was not an expert I wanted to be associated with. I'm not even sure what kind of expert he thinks he is.

I have a lot of problems potty training Nanoo, but I would never send her to her room for the rest of the day or gate her in the bathroom. I'll go back to just waiting it out, thankyouverymuch.

Holding On

2010-05-06T21:39:00.001-05:00

My husband often asks when I'm going to put the baby down. I tell him "Never". When he asks why, I tell him simply, "I'm afraid she'll grow the second I let go."

To Kindle or Not to Kindle

2010-05-02T13:13:00.001-05:00

That is the question.

My loving and supportive husband thinks that I should self publish on Kindle. Me? Not so sure. I know I write well - and by that I mean I have good stories - but I'm not the best with grammar and punctuation. So, to bypass the whole agent, editor, and publisher thing is well... scary. Can I edit my books well enough that there aren't a ton of mistakes? And if 5 agents weren't intrigued by my queries, would anybody want to read the whole thing?

And WHO uses a Kindle??? I seriously don't know anybody who does. I have never seen one in real life. Also, my novels are young adult, so my other worry is that most young adults don't have Kindles or credit cards to download to their Kindle. Am I mistaken?

I am scared, I have no problem admitting that. It's one thing to send a chapter or two to an agent and they say "no thanks". But, to send your entire book to the world and have the entire world not be interested, that's FAILURE!

She's Got My Heart

2010-04-30T15:17:00.003-05:00

Stuck In Between

2010-04-28T07:18:00.004-05:00

I am stuck. Completely and utterly stuck. I feel like I'm lingering between the two things that I want in life.

I yearn to have more children. I look at my baby girl and think about having another one and another one and... well you get the point. Babies are awesome! I love cuddling my baby, nursing my baby, and wearing my baby. There's nothing better. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted a big family.

And while my heart yearns for more, my body and brain say five is enough. Maybe it's that my body is getting old and each pregnancy is getting harder, or maybe it's that I've been doing 'this' for 13 years, but I'm ready to go out to dinner without a highchair, I'm ready to go to the movies without a babysitter, and I'm ready to not carry a diaper bag.

I feel stuck.

Comments

2010-04-27T11:04:00.004-05:00

Over the weekend, I went to my regular hairdresser and had my hair done. It's been a while, about 6 months in fact. I was going to go right before I had Bells, but things got in the way. And after she came, it took a while before her feedings were spaced far enough apart for me to get my hair done.

While I was in the chair, we got a chance to talk. I told her why I hadn't been there in so long, and that my husband was sitting out in the waiting room with the kids just in case Bells needed to eat. She then told me how when she had her daughters, the nurses in the hospital pretty much 'forced' her to try and breastfeed, and how she wanted no part of it. She continued to tell me how it hurt, how it didn't feel right, and how much she didn't want to do it. This shocked me! How does breastfeeding not feel right. Sure it hurts, even tickles some times. But, I have never felt that it wasn't right. Of course, to me, mixing up formula and shoving that into a child's mouth, doesn't feel right.

She asked me something about my hospital stay and I told her how horrible it was, how I was supposed to have had a homebirth, but things happened. I told her how wonderful both my midwife and the nurse that was with us was (she was also a midwife). I also told her how the OB had said I could leave right after giving birth if all was fine, but that the pediatrician on call wouldn't. And now all these medical bills were coming in with a nursery charge on them we didn't use.

Her response? "What do you mean you didn't use the nursery?" I explained how I wanted my baby with me at all times. She says, "Girl, you need to give the nursery that baby so you can rest and have a break. That's what it's there for, you should have taken advantage of it."

Wow. Just wow.

It blows my mind that people really think like this. Maybe it blows their mind that I think the way I do? I could never give birth to my baby and then let her stay the next couple days in the nursery so I can get a break? A break from WHAT?

I do believe that everyone has the right to make their own choices, but sometimes the choices people make, make me sad.

And Down She Went

2010-04-23T17:58:00.004-05:00

Years ago, my 9 year old was diagnosed with a condition called Vaso Vagal Syncope. She would have what I thought were some sort of drop seizure. She would yawn and get real pale, sometimes blue around the lips, and then just fall over. One time when it was happening, I grabbed the camera, and caught the whole thing on tape. I then showed it to her doctor.

The doctor sent her to a neurologist and a cardiologist. The neurologist ordered 2 EEGs and said she was fine. The cardiologist diagnosed her with VVS. It seemed that whenever Boo was scared or hurt, her blood pressure would and heart rate would drop causing her to faint. She didn't always lose consciousness, but it was always scary.

The cardiologist told us to keep her well hydrated and make sure she got a high salt diet. She has gotten better throughout the years, only having an episode when she got really hurt. It went from happening a couple times a month to a couple times a year.

Boo had always fainted while with me... up until this week. On Wednesday, I got a call from the school. And you know when the school calls, your heart stops for a moment. Things start racing through your mind. Someone had bumped her ear during P.E. causing the earring hole - which we always have problems with - to bleed. Boo went to the nurse to stop the bleeding. The nurse dabbed the back of her ear and down she went!

On the phone, the nurse asked if this had ever happened before. I was glad she couldn't see me roll my eyes as I explained that it should all be in her file. I'm not sure why they didn't pull up her file before contacting me. Obviously, I want to know when this happens. But, maybe they wouldn't have freaked out so much if they had bothered to peek.

I hurried over to the school and picked Boo up for an hour. She came home with me, rested on the couch a little, and ate some lunch. By then, she was fine and wanted to go back to school so she didn't miss recess.

Never a dull moment around here.

How Fast Can You Eat A Chocolate Easter Bunny?

2010-04-18T22:24:00.007-05:00

After lunch today, Jay Jay and Nanoo wanted dessert. They asked for their Easter bunnies, which they hadn't touched yet, and I said "Okay, but just a little bit."

A few minutes later, I returned to the kitchen and Jay Jay proudly held up what was left of her bunny - about 3 bites - and said "Look, Mom, I'm almost done!"

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths and asked her, "What part of 'just a little bit' didn't you understand?"

She responded, "I thought you were talking to Nanoo."

Kids.

Wake Up, Mom!

2010-04-17T09:40:00.006-05:00

Setting: Saturday morning about 7am. I'm sleeping peacefully with Bells cuddled up next to me, although I can hear voices out in the living room, so I know the girls are up.

Enter Jay Jay and Nanoo.

Jay Jay: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Jay Jay: When you're awake, can we play this? (shows me a video game)

Me: Sigh. Yeah, when I'm awake.

What Does 'Slightly Crunchy' Mean?

2010-04-13T22:14:00.005-05:00

I consider my family to be slightly crunchy. What does this mean? What do I do that makes us only slightly crunchy?

- I breastfeed exclusively for 6 months.
- I let the child wean when she's ready. So far, the longest any of my children has nursed was 2 years. The others weaned themselves at 18 months and 15 months.
- I wear my baby.
- I co-sleep.
- I do not vaccinate right now. If I decide to, it will be delayed and selective.
- I make some of my own baby food.
- I use cloth diapers. At night, I will use a disposable and if my child is having diarrhea, I will use disposables.
- I have always used a midwife. I have never had a homebirth due to circumstances outside of my control.
- I have always had a vaginal birth without any pain medication or epidurals and as little interventions as possible.
- I use natural family planning most of the time. During the time where I'm not sure when I'm ovulating, we do use condoms.
- I will use natural remedies and herbs/oils, but I also will go to a doctor if I feel the need.
- My kids go to public school. I do wish I could homeschool.
- I drive a mini-van.
- I eat whatever I want.

As you can see, some of those things are crunchy, some are not. For our family of 7, we need a big car, little hybrids don't work. I also have no intention of changing my diet to be more crunchy. I send my kids to school for my own sanity. To be fair, the schools they go to are excellent. Right now, I'm okay with being only 'slightly crunchy'.

Co-sleeping = Peace

2010-04-13T15:57:00.003-05:00

I believe I am the opposite of most people. Most people worry about falling asleep next to their baby - not me - I worry when my baby falls asleep away from me.

I had put the baby in her bed the other night so I could get ready for bed. She fell asleep there and when it was time for me to get into bed, I wasn't sure what to do. Should I leave her there sleeping or grab her and bring her to bed with me? She's always with me at night, we co-sleep and this is how we like it. She is our fifth child and I have never once worried about rolling over on any of our babies. I nurse them to sleep and any time they wake up looking for it. I wake up in the morning feeling well rested. I love the closeness co-sleeping brings.

I slid into bed without the baby that night. I laid there wide eyed and restless. I couldn't sleep. I worried that she would spit up and I wouldn't hear it. I worried that she'd stop breathing not able to hear my breathing next to her. I worried she'd get cold not having me right there keeping her warm.

After five very long minutes went by, I got up, went to her bed where she slept, very carefully picked her up and brought her back to bed with us. She stretched a little and then went right back to sleep next to me - where she belongs.

Who We Are

2010-04-07T13:24:00.006-05:00

Now we have discussed why I named this blog "Just 2 More Minutes" and what I'll be talking about in the blog... next comes... who I'll be talking about. For privacy reasons, I will be using nicknames.

Me, Myself, and I - The "about me" paragraph pretty much says it all.

M is my loving, wonderful, and supportive husband. I couldn't do it without him. He's in his mid 30s, likes computers, woodworking, movies, and reading.

Kiki is my oldest child's nickname. It was a name that was used in stories my dad used to tell me. I guess it stuck. Kiki is 12 and on her way to becoming a full fledged teenager. I'm not sure how she got so old. I often wonder where my little girl went. She is in athletics and orchestra at school. She loves music, movies, and hanging out with her friends.

Boo is 9 now. When she was 2, she looked like Boo from Monsters, Inc - pigtails and all. She was our surprise baby. Boo is artistic, she loves arts and crafts, and is very creative. She also enjoys music, writing, and reading.

Jay Jay is 6. She is shy and quiet. She likes to read, play outside, watch tv, and do gymnastics. She has a very sweet personality. And there is NO resisting her big chocolate brown, puppy dog eyes.

Nanoo is the nickname she gave herself. She couldn't say her name and this is what she came up with. It was so cute, it stuck. Nanoo is 3 now and she is my wild child. She gets into everything. She sure keeps me busy. She likes every toy, every show, every book.

Bells is our newest precious addition. She's a few months old and I don't know what we ever did without her. She is our miracle. After going through many things the past couple years and trying to conceive for a long time, I had pretty much given up and God blessed us with her.

Cocoa & Cullen - Toy sized Miniature Schnauzers. One brown, one black. One girl, one boy.

What Is This Blog About?

2010-04-07T11:33:00.006-05:00

Just so we are all clear on what this blog will be about... here are my thoughts.

It will be about everything - does that clarify it well enough for you? No? Fine. It will be about my family, things my children do, things my children don't do, things that I want to share, opinions not only about life, but also about certain products. It will be about being a slightly crunchy family. It will be about medical conditions that we have or are interesting. And also about things that I support and things that annoy me, things I can rant and rave about. Finally, it will also be about writing, since I love it so much.

More specifics? Having 5 children, having 5 daughters, having 5 miscarriages. MTHFR and how it relates to me. Having high positive ANA results and how that relates to me. Heart conditions. Asthma and allergies. Pregnancy related issues: IUGR, Pre-eclampsia, low lying placenta. Crunchy things: cloth diapering, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, baby wearing, delaying/selecting or just not giving immunizations, using a midwife, trying for a home birth, having a natural birth.

It will also be about enjoying those two minutes...

This blog will not be just about ONE topic. If you are looking for that, elsewhere you should go.

Baby Legs

2010-04-06T22:08:00.009-05:00

It wasn't until recently that someone made me aware of Baby Legs. I have to admit that I was not interested at all when I saw what they were. Leg warmers? Seriously? On a baby? WHY? I never saw the appeal. Even thought they looked kind of dumb. Yet, so many of my friends talked highly about them.

During a grand opening of a "crunchy" store in the area, they gave away a pair of Baby Legs as a free gift. So, I finally owned a pair of these things that I wasn't too interested in. I decided to keep them for the baby I was carrying, still not sure I'd ever actually use them.

One day a couple weeks ago Bells seemed too warm in her PJs, but it was still a little too cool to be in just a onesie. The Baby Legs crossed my mind. I dug them reluctantly out of the drawer and put them on her. They were a little big, but she didn't mind. Over the night, she seemed to be the perfect temperature, and she never kicked them off.

I found myself at Target picking out a new pair of Baby Legs, ones that were cute and pink. And now I use them almost daily when we're in that in between temperature. Now, I like Baby Legs, and I recommend them to anyone having a baby.

Two More Minutes

2010-04-06T15:25:00.008-05:00

For weeks I've been trying to come up with a name for a new blog. I have a blog, but the name is, well, meaningless. I tried many things and everything had already been taken. This is 2010! People have been blogging for years. Many of the blogs have been claimed and yet nobody writes on them, nobody keeps them up to date. I start to wonder if that will happen to mine when life gets in the way.

I thought of this name recently when I was holding our newborn daughter, our fifth daughter. My husband asked me to go see something and I told him to give me just two more minutes. He looked at me oddly, probably thinking to himself that was a strange answer since I wasn't doing anything. She had finished nursing and we were just looking at each other.

I thought of all the times I use the phrase "just two more minutes". When I'm warm in the shower and the peace and quiet is all around me. When I'm snug in bed and don't want to face the morning. When I'm reading a really great book and don't want to leave that world even for a second. When I'm reading to my 3 year old who is curled up in my lap soaking in every detail. When I'm in my husband's arms feeling his love surround me. And when I'm holding my baby girl close to my heart hoping that time will stand still.

So, I looked up at my husband, and again said, "Just two more minutes."